RAIN RAIN GO AWAY

BY THE TIME IT WAS 8PM IT WAS DARK AND JUST STARTED TO RAIN SO I HAD TO MAKE A CHOICE. WHAT WOULD I DO? I MADE IT TO BRICK OVEN PIZZA IN LEONIA AND AK FED ME AND GAVE ME A 20 SPOT. THE CHOICE WAS TO GO BACK A FEW BLOCKS TO THE HIGHSCHOOL AND SLEEP AT THE PLAYGROUND RIGHT THERE ON RT1. IT WAS ONE OF THOSE NEW PARKS WITH SLIDE THAT HAS A LITTLE HUT TYPE OF HOUSE ON TOP OF THE SLIDE. EVEN THOUGH OPENED ON 2 SIDES IT WOULD PROVIDE ENOUGH SHELTER FROM THE RAIN. THE ONLY THING WAS THAT ON THIS AUGUST NIGHT IT WENT DOWN TO 52 DEGREES AT NIGHT. I STAYED MOSTLY DRY BUT FROZE AND THE WEATHER WOULDNT WARM UP FOR A FEW DAYS. I PULLED OUT MY ALL PURPOSE BLANKET AND WRAPPED MYSELF UP IN THE SHEET AND WOKE UP OFTEN. IT WAS RAINING EVEN HARDER WHEN I WOKE UP AT 8AM. WALKING NOW FOR 2 HOURS IN THE RAIN AND NO BREAKFAST I STOPPED AT A MOTEL IN BERGEN AND SPENT THE WHOLE DAY THERE HOPING THE RAIN WOULD SUBSIDE BY TOMORROW. I WAS HAPPY TO BE THERE JUST TO DRY OFF AND SHOWER.

ITS TIME

OK ITS FINALLY TIME FOR ME TO GO, AND IM GONE. I LEFT ALLERTON AND SAW MY POP UP THE BLOCK BUILDING CUSTOM COUNTERS FOR A NEW LOCKSMITH OVER THERE ON ALLERTON AND BOSTON ROAD. I GAVE HIM A HUG AND KISS AS I ALWAYS DO AND TOLD HIM I LOVE HIM. HE TOLD ME TO BE SAFE AND TOLD ME IF I NEEDED ANYTHING TO CALL HIM. I OWE YOU SO MUCH POP, I MAY HAVE BITCHED AND COMPLAINED ABOUT THINGS WHEN I WAS LITTLE BUT YOU NEVER DID LET ME DOWN, YOU'RE MY POP AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. THANKS FOR ALWAYS HAVING MY BACK WHEN OTHERS THOUGHT YOU SHOULDNT. I TOLD HIM I WOULD BE FINE AND HE SAID I KNOW YOU WILL. I GUESS PARENTS WILL STILL WORRY NO MATTER HOW OLD WE GET. JUST REMEMBER THIS NO MATTER HOW OLD WE GET WE WILL STILL BE SOMEONES CHILD. I SHUFFLED THROUGH FORDHAM AND UP TO THE HEIGHTS WHERE MIKE AND CALBI MET ME AND FED ME AT DALLAS BBQS. WE MET THREE GREAT WAITRESSES AND I TOLD THEM THAT I WAS GOING TO TAKE THEM ALL OUT AT THE SAME TIME WHEN I GET BACK, SO JUST TELL YOUR BOYFRIENDS I JUST WANNA BORROW YOU. MIKE AND CALBI WAVED GOODBYE AS I FADED AWAY OVER THE G.W. INTO NEW JERSEY. NO TURNING BACK.

STATEN IS.

JUST WANT TO GIVE A BIG SHOUT OUT TO SAL, THE 2 ANTHONYS, BOBBY OIL, VIN, AND JOHN THE TWINS,THEIR POP BIG JOHN, JACKIE,ROB, JOE- JOE, THANKS FOR THE NICK NAME, AND HAPPY THANKS FOR THE SPONSORSHIP. TO THE REST OF THE BOYS THERE THANK YOU FOR THE LOVE. JOE JOE, DID YOU GET YOUR HAT YET?

THE DAYS LEADING UP

DAYS LEADING UP TO MY DEPARTURE WHICH IS ALREADY 2 WEEKS LATE. I SPENT MY TIME TRYING TO GET MY MIND RIGHT HANGIN WITH THE SAINTS. YO FREDDY AND PITO 2 OF MY BIGGEST SUPPORTER, IM SORRY I HAVENT CALLED OR MADE IT TO THE GAMES BUT I WAS ASHAMED TO TELL YOU I DIDNT LEAVE YET CAUSE OR MONEY. I LOVE YOU GUYS. ALSO WAS WITH MY POP MY SISTER DEB AND EMILY, GIO, WISE, MIKE N TARA, AND ARIANA, AS WELL AS LOU, GINA, LIL NICK, LOUIS ANTHONY, RE-AL AND ALL THE FELLAS FROM DANGEROUS. I EVEN GOT TO MEET UP WITH SONIA AND BALZ FROM SWITZERLAND WHO I MET IN SAN DIEGO AT A HOSTEL WHILE THEY WERE WORKING AS AU-PAIRS(MIRIAM AND SONIA). I WAS SO HAPPY TO SEE THEM I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD AGAIN. SO I MET THEM AT THEIR HOSTEL IN THE CITY AND TOOK THEM UPTOWN TO 161 AT YANKEE STADIUM AND THEN DOWN THE CONCOURSE TO FORDHAM ROAD AND THEN UP TO NEW RO WHERE WE SPENT THE REST OF THE DAY ON THE BEACH AT HUDSON PARK. THEY WERE VERY THANKFUL AND EVEN TOLD ME THAT NOW THEY FELT LIKE THEY WERE NOW ON A VACATION.LISTEN ALOT OF GREAT THINGS HAPPENED THIS YEAR,LOU AND G HAD THEIR 2ND CHILD, MIKE AND TARA HAD THEIR FIRST AS WELL AS JAMES AND LESLIE, J.O.B AND ANDRA, GOOSE AND MARE HAD TRIPLETS, MY MAN PABLO AND NAT ARE EXPECTING AND SO IS DAVE AND WENDY, AND A SON FOR GIO EVERYONE EXCEPT FOR ME ..WHAT A WONDERFUL TIME IN MY LIFE. BUT THEN THEIR WERE NOT SO WONDERFUL THINGS LIKE SCOTTY FROM MY SOFTBALL TEAM IN HARRISON DIED AS WELL AS MY LITTLE CUZ PHILLIP IN A CAR ACCIDENT. OH PHIL AND SCOTTY THANKS FOR BEING THEREE FOR ME.

NEVER AGAIN

NOW 2007 I WAS SURE I WOULD NEVER DO ANOTHER TRIP AGAIN. YEAH LIKE THATS POSIBLE FOR ME TO STABLIZE. I MET MY GIRLFRIEND WHO IS ACTUALLY A CANCER SURVIVOR HERSELF. JUST TO LET YOU ALL KNOW IM NOT WITH HER NOW DUE TO MY OWN FAULTS, BUT LULU YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MY INSPIRATION AND MY HERO. AFTER EXPERIENCING MANY RELATIONSHIPS AND NOT BEING WITH YOU NOW, I CAN CONFIDENTLY SAY I LOVE YOU MORE THAN IVE EVER LOVED ANOTHER WOMAN. YOU WILL FOREVER BE MY ANGEL. I MISS YOU AND I WISH YOU KNEW. CAN YOU ONE DAY LOVE ME AGAIN? I WASNT ABLE TO KEEP HER IN MY LIFE DUE TO MY INSTABILITY. I SAY SHE WAS RIGHT AND IT WASNT FAIR TO ASK HER TO WAIT FOR ME JUST BECAUSE. I DO FEEL WE ALL HAVE OUR OWN PATHS TO FOLLOW. I JUST WISH THAT PATH INCLUDED HER. EVERYONE IN THEIR OWN TIME. I WAS SELFISH ASKING HER TO WAIT. I TOOK FOR GRANTED SHE WOULD ALWAYS BE THERE, AND NOW SHES NOT. I GUESS I GOT WHAT I DESERVED. MAYBE I SHOULD STOP WHIMPERING AND LISTEN TO OTHERS AND RELIZE LOVE(LUST) IS JUST A CHEMICAL REACTION OF EMOTIONS ATTACHED TO THE FEELINGS WE'RE ADDICTED TO. I GUESS THATS WHY I REFUSE TO HAVE ANOTHER WOMAN IN MY LIFE OR ALLOW ANY OF THEM TO GET TOO CLOSE TO ME PHYSICALLY OR EMOTIONALLY. I CANT GO ON KILLING MYSELF THOUGH. I HOPE I WILL MAKE SOMEONE HAPPY ONE DAY.

now back

NOW BACK AT HOME AND HAVE ONLY DONE 7 OR 800 MILES. I FINALLY GOT MY COUSIN RUM AND MY CHILDHOOD FRIEND SMOOK TO DO THIS WITH ME. RUM WOULD FILM WHILE SMOOK WOULD DRIVE. AFTER MY COUSIN SAMMY DIED ONE YEAR TO ON THE SAME DAY MY MOM PASSED. I CALLED THE CANCER SOCIETY AND TOLD THEM THE TRIP FROM HERE ON WOULD CHANGE. I HAD TO SWITCH IT UP, NOT JUST CAUSE OF SAMMY, BUT DUE TO THE LACK OF RESOURCES. IT WOULD COST TO MUCH MONEY THAT WE DIDNT HAVE NOR DID MIKE OR JOE EVEN THOUGH THEY WANTED TO, BUT IT WOULD DEFINATELY TOO COSTLY. SO IN EACH BIG CITY TO CALI. I WOULD RIDE A HUNDRED MILES TO AND WITHIN EACH CITY AND THEN BACK TO HOUSTON TEXAS WHERE I WOULD STAY WITH MY CUZ ROBBIE, AND HIS WIFE CHRISTINA , CHILDREN NICO, AND MONICA. IT WOULD BE EASIER TO FUNDRAISE AND PROMOTE THE TRIP AS WELL AS MAX MUSICK. MAX MUSICK IS THE LABEL OWNED BY JOE FORTUNA AND MAX SANTOS OF AVENTURA. MAX IS THE ONE WHO MADE THE SONG FOR ME BASED ON MY FIRST TRIP TO CALI OF MY STRUGGLES ON THE BIKE AND ABOUT CANCER. SO WE MADE A FILM OF US SPEAKING TO PEOPLE WITH SIMULAR CANCER EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS RIDING THE BIKE. REMEMBER THERES ALOT I DIDNT SPEAK ABOUT, LIKE MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY GIRL, THE FIREMANS TESTOR LIKE US SLEEPING IN THE VAN MOST OF THE DAYS, OR WHEN RUM AND SMOOK GOT MAD AT ME IN CHICAGO. THEY BOTH WERE GOING TO KICK MY ASS. OR BEING IN THE BADLANDS OR THE BLACK HILLS OR SLEEPING IN THE HOOD OF CHICAGO OR MT RUSHMORE, AND YELLOWSTONE AND VISITING CRAZYHORSE.IT WAS STILL AGREAT EXPERIENCE . RUM AND SMOOK WOULD FINISH THE TRIP BY RAISING AWARENESS.IT WAS COOL WE WERE ALL ON FOX NEWS WENT FISHING ON THE GREAT LAKES AND EVEN HUNG OUT ON 8 MILE WITH ONE OF SMOOKS FRIENDS. ALWAYS GOTTA THANK MY FAMILY, ALL OF YOU AND MY FRIENDS INCLUDING VINNY P., NANCY B., CHA CHA. THE FARMER FAMILY I AM FOR EVER IN YOUR DEBT FOR THE KINDNESS YOU SHOWED US. ALWAYS THANK YOU TO MY POP FOR KEEPIN ME AFLOAT ON THIS TRIP AND ALL MY OTHERS AS WELL AS THROUGH MY LIFE. I LOVE YOU POP!

next

OKAY TO MAKE IT AS SHORT AS POSSIBLE. NEXT YEAR IN 2006 I WOULD RIDE MY BICYCLE AGAIN, BUT INSTEAD 0F GOING ACROSS I WAS GOING TO ATTEMPT GOING AROUND THE COUNTRY . I WOULD START IN NEW RO AGAIN AND HEAD THROUGH NEW ENGLAND AND THE ACROSS, DOWN THEN BACK ACROSS AGAIN AND THEN BACK HOME. THAT DIDNT WORK OUT TOO WELL. I LEFT ALONE ON A WARM AFTERNOON IN JULY FROM MY MOMS WHERE LUANDA SAW ME OFF. I ACTUALLY STOPPED AT LOU AND GINAS HOUSE ON THE WAY UP RT 1. I WOUND UP REACHING MASS. AND STAYED WITH MY FAMILY, TITI TATA, YVONNE, IVAN, AND THE KIDS. SAMMY MY COUSIN WAS AROUND BUT I DIDNT GET TO SEE HIM. HE WAS BUSY, BUT THE DAY I LEFT WE SPOKE. WE JOKED AND LAUGHED ON THE PHONE AND WE PROMISED EACH OTHER WE WOULD GET UP SOON. AS I ARRIVED IN ALBANY THAT NIGHT , I HAD CAUGHT HEAT STROKE. THE WEATHER WAS IN THE MID TO UPPER 90'S AND I SURE TOOK A BEATIN. SO MUCH SO I HAD TO SPEND AN EXTRA DAY IN ALBANY. HEY, THE HOTEL WAS BEAUTIFUL AND THE PEOPLE THERE TOOK CARE OF ME MAKING SURE I HAD WATER AND MEDS, THANKS TO PABS FOR MAKING THAT CALL. YOU KNOW MY HOMIE NAAR CAME UP TO ALBANY. HE WAS DROPPED OFF BY HIS WIFEE AND MY EX LU.WE RODE A WHOLE DAY ABOUT 11 OR 12 HRS. TO COOPERSTOWN NEW YORK. BY THE TIME WE RODE INTO TOWN IT WAS ALREADY DARK AND DAVE HAD BEEN TAKING A BEATIN BY THE SUN AND THE MOUNTAINOUS TERRAIN. WE STAYED AT A LAKESIDE MOTEL AND SOAKED IN SOME NICE VIBES THE NEXT DAY, AND EVEN WATCHED A FEW INNINGS AT DOUBLEDAY FIELD. TO JUST SKIP AHEAD A LITTLE BIT. IM STILL WAITING FOR MY COUSIN RUM AND SMOOK TO COME FOLLOW ME IN THE CAR AND FILM THE TRIP, WHEN I GOT THE CALL THAT SAMMY HAD JUST BEEN KILLED IN A CAR ACCIDENT ONLY DAYS AFTER I LEFT AND WHICH WAS ONE YEAR TO THE DAY THAT MY MOM DIED, JULY 25TH. I WOUND UP STOPPING MY TRIP FOR A FEW AND GOING BACK HOME AND THEN BACK UP TO MASS. TO BE WITH THE FAM FOR THE FUNERAL AND THE WAKE. I ACTUALLY GOT SICK UP THERE AND HAD TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL IN ATHOL, TO WHOM I STILL OWE MONEY TO. NOW BACK AT HOME I HAD TO DECIDE MY NEXT MOVE, TRIP WISE.

AS SOME OF YOU MAY KNOW, MITCH PASSED AWAY FROM THE SAME PANCREATIC CANCER MY MOM DIED FROM ON OCTOBER 19, 2005. THE YEAR FOR ME WAS VERY TOUGH. I HAD TO NOW DECIDE WHAT I WOULD DO. SO I DECIDED I WOULD RIDE ACROSS THE COUNTRY AGAIN INHONOR OF MY MOM(CAROLE), AND MITCH. BETWEEN NANCY BERKE AND THE REST OF HER FAMILY AS WELL AS VINNY PASTORE, AND CHA CHA FROM THE WISE GUY RADIO SHOW ON SIRIUS, ARE THE MAIN REASONS I RAISED THE MONEY I DID. IT WAS A CRAZY TRIP. I MADE IT TO CALIFORNIA AND THEN BACK TO TEXAS, THEN FLEW HOME TO START A NORMAL LIFE. BUT NORMAL MAY NOT BE ME.